Trigger warning: Rape, sexual violence, self harm, military sexual violence
Think about this: You’re in the passenger seat of a car and someone is driving you to an important destination. You come to a set of train tracks and in the distance you hear the sound of a very speedy train pumping out tons of pollution by the second. You sigh because maybe you’re late or you just don’t want to wait 10 minutes in front of a blaring horn and endless screeching. All of the sudden the driver parks the car on the middle of the tracks, gets out of the car and ditches the scene. As you see the train approach and your life flashes before your eyes you see the words ‘MEDIA’ stretched across the front of the train. Damn. You’ve been mediaed.
I often end up obsessively thinking about this analogy whenever various criminal cases involving rape become plastered all over every social and news media outlet. I think for many rape victims/survivors (but obviously I don’t speak for everyone) end up doing to heavy sigh and try to suit up for battle when cases like these go on blast. All the sudden everyone and their grandmother are giving their two cents about the situation. And let me tell you, the two cents usually consist of pennies that what been mangled and left to mold in the gutter. It’s the same formula nearly every time: “sorry” man + woman = woman fault. When the media talks about the rapist you usually hear about his past accolades, his close family relationship or his deeeeep remorse for that thing he did. Now when we hear about the victim all we get to know is how much she had to drink, what she was wearing, and if we’re lucky we’ll hear about some unsafe things she has done in the past. Hmm. It’s pretty obvious who is being protected here…but it only seems obvious to those of us who have been through a rape before. A lot of us have received identical treatment either from family, friends, authority figures or school officials. In the end, these televised spectacles usually end up being akin to walking through minefields for survivors of rape.
I don’t want to assume other’s positions so I will talk about this strictly from my perspective from here on out. Let’s talk about the case of Brock Turner, a devil spawn from Stanford University and leader in white male privilege. When the case broke I was ready to shut down all accounts on social media, never look at a TV and surgically implant cotton balls in my ears. I had been through this rape case ringer before and I knew what I was likely going to hear- something that would likely sound similar to if a human shat out of their mouth. Against better judgement I decided to loosely follow the story in hopes that maybe this would be the one that was handled correctly. And it wasn’t!…Of course! I have been through a lot as a child and teenager and on top of that I was raped by my boyfriend of two and a half years during college, so it is safe to say that I have a very, veeeery heavy trigger for sexual violence. It was almost impossible to get away from the news about this case, whether it was shitty reporters giving their shitty opinions or people’s outrage about the close to nonexistent sentence Turner received. I was getting triggered close to 5 times a day, which was very difficult given that my trigger symptoms usually end in some form of self harm and overwhelming depression for me.
Many major news sources (like The Washington Post) wrote articles that ended up sounding like a call out of sympathy to a poor swimmer who now had a ruined life. People were forgetting that Brock Turner had made a decision that night to rape an unconscious girl. He was the one that prioritized being a fucked up piece of shit over his swimming career, school career or his possible freedom. Of course, he is a white guy so he probably wasn’t even that concerned about being held accountable given that only about 16% of rapists actually face jail time. And though white men are more likely to be rapists, men of color are prosecuted and imprisoned at a higher rate. I just want journalists to ask themselves this; are you more worried about painting a good picture of Brock Turner? If that answer is yes, then you need to remove yourself from this story and maybe take an acid bath.
I think the hardest thing about these cases for me is that when I see the response of American people I end up feeling extremely dysphoric. I start to understand that I live in a country where a majority of people would see many of my traumatic experiences as things I did to myself. I end up feeling so alienated and isolated from the general public because I can’t connect to them; I can’t talk about a big part of who I am to the world and have it be respectfully received. If a veteran was to go up to someone and talk about their PTSD from war then they would probably find an open ear, but me talking about developing PTSD from rape and sexual abuse leaves an uncomfortable and hostile feeling in the air. Heaven forbid one of the thousands of women veterans who were victims of sexual violence in the military talked about their experiences, who knows how much hostility that would raise…well actually it is a lot. Life for victims of sexual violence become so much harder when a lot of what we’re hearing around us is about rape or insensitive comments about rape.
There seems to be a similar pattern for cops who kill innocent people and people who rape others and get sensationalized TV cases. The families or criminals themselves get all sorts of GoFundMe campaigns started for them or Facebook support groups while the victims are left to be harassed, shamed or publicly humiliated. Hearing Turner’s dad read his “heartfelt grieving” letter about his son was absolutely sickening. Not only because it is comprised of rape apology and shit but also because he stated that he felt it was unfair that his son was getting so much punishment for “twenty minutes of action.” This particular part sent me into such a triggered rage that I actually twisted my smartphone, thus shattering it completely. I remember when I was on the brink of breaking up with my now ex boyfriend over him raping me he said “I can’t believe this whole relationship is over because of 5 minutes.” And this is the dangerous kind of disrespect and dismissal that rape and sexual violence victims get placed with daily. It is fortunate that the tides are slowly turning for victims of sexual violence, but it isn’t quick enough. We are struggling to get by in a world that rarely recognizes our pain and trauma.
To end on a happy note here is an ESPN host ripping Turner to shreds!
-M
The Iceburg Burgeoning 